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Shit I Know For Sure

In Chicago, there about three days a year that people aren't bitching about the weather because it's too cold or too hot or too wet. Shut up already.


Tacos are delicious. Always.


You can feel happy and sad at the same time. This can make you feel guilty and confused. That's just way too much emotion.


VEEP was one of the best shows in the last twenty years. Okay, maybe thirty years but I don't want to age myself.


Homemade pineapple martini's are ass kickers. You should drink them standing up.


Sayings that entertain me whenever I read or hear them: 'you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig' and 'you can stick flowers in an asshole but that don't make it a vase.'


My grammar and punctuation aren't always correct. I don't care.


Verbal communication is taken for granted. If you don't believe me, I challenge anyone to go a full day without saying a word.


My job title should have been Vice President of Unfuckerations.


In the big scope of things, I know that I don't know very much.

In a world full of this...I have so much yet to learn.

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